Regrettably, my first year of school was highly memorable for all the wrong reasons, and this was only one of the contributing factors. In Grade 1, reading was my nemesis. I vividly recall strategising to read the smallest paragraph during round-robin sessions, driven by an intense desire to escape any unwanted attention. That year, once brimming with confidence and curiosity, I transformed into an anxious, self-doubting student struggling with words on a page. While I initially relied on memorizing words, I eventually discovered that glasses were the solution. Although using glasses resolved the reading problem, the experience had long-lasting consequences. Despite confidently performing ballet in front of audiences, reading and speaking to an audience remained challenging. 25 years later, as a mature-aged student, I had extreme nervousness and anxiety before my first university presentation, to the extent that I was physically ill.
My journey took a pivotal turn with my first mentor, Japhy, during my practicum teaching. His curiosity about my nervousness about reading aloud led to a deeper understanding of my past. He provided me with the space and encouragement to develop these skills, and within a few weeks, I was leading lessons and reading aloud to other classes. Through Japhy, I learned the profound importance of understanding the "why" behind a lack of confidence.
Fast forward a few years, and my professional roles required more public speaking and leading workshops that developed my skills. A university recently requested my participation in a Q&A session, which evolved into a 45–60-minute presentation devoid of slides. Surprisingly, the hour flew by, and I relished the experience. I drew on my identities as a researcher, teacher, and coach, and for the first time, I felt excited and calm about presenting my research.
Today, I presented my research to doctoral students and candidates from numerous EdD cohorts and their supervisors. Due to the inability to access my notes, I resorted to speaking to the slides. Although it was not flawless, I felt relaxed and comfortable. Today, I closed the chapter on my doctoral journey and celebrate the improvement of my ability to talk confidently in public. As is the case with any issue that is not resolved at the outset, my dragon grew. My journey from that anxious Grade 1 student to a confident presenter may have taken years, but today I finally feel that I slayed the dragon.
Thanks for reading,
