Saturday, 24 August 2019

Rose-coloured glasses

According to the Grammaristrose-coloured glasses describes a disposition that is upbeat, hopeful, with optimism and positive thinking overflowing. Positive psychology is dedicated to studying the optimist and optimism, and how that type of personality and philosophy can lead a person to have increased confidence and an improvement in attitude and happiness amongst other things. Dr Martin Seligman and other psychology researchers have discovered that those who do not dwell on negativity and pessimism tend to succeed more.

A cynic may reject this idea, believing that to look at life through rose-coloured glasses creates unrealistic expectations and may indicate that you only notice the good things. Having a tendency to forget the negative things that happened in the past and by focusing mainly on the positive attributes, you view the past nostalgically. Cynics believe this view is unrealistic. 
Having a glass half full outlook or looking on the bright side is typically my approach to work and my life in general, and I believe I’m quite optimistic. However, I have had my rose-coloured glasses shattered a few times and you may be surprised to learn that I think this is a good thing. Glass shatters is that moment of realisation that changes your perception on something or someone. You've developed a new awareness; one that can't be unseen. I've included a clip from How I Met Your Mother to explain further.

While this moment may cause some disappointment in either a person, organisation or event, reflection is vital. Shattering the rose-coloured glasses can help close chapters, build resilience and provide space for new perspectives, commitments and opportunities. The cynics in my life will at times, advise and question my naivety. While I don’t think I will ever be that cynic or pessimist, I do agree that on some occasions, I need to be more realistic.

Always wondering...

Tuesday, 6 August 2019

Learning to Trust…Again.

We’ve all experienced it. Trusting someone, only to be disappointed or worse, shattered. Whether it is betrayal by a friend or colleague for their own benefit, not honouring a future promised, or having another share information that wasn’t theirs to share. I assume everyone has had their trust broken at some point in their career, however, because the majority have experienced it, it doesn’t make it less significant. It’s not what happens, or the actions taken in that moment that generates the most harm, it is the aftermath…the ripple effect. I read BrenĂ© Brown’s Dare to Lead at the beginning of the year and she speaks of trust.
Trust is the stacking and layering of small moments and a reciprocal vulnerability over time. Trust and vulnerability grow together, and to betray one is to destroy both (p.34).

I visualise trust as slowly placing building blocks on top of each other. It takes time, as the pieces are purposefully placed. When trust is lost, these blocks are instantly smashed and the ability to show vulnerability is shattered. I believe the effects are long-lasting if one does not purposefully heal. On Twitter recently, I read how many teachers had been burnt because of toxic workplaces or people. I spent a great deal of time thinking about their comments and stories, and how they recovered. A wise person once said, “Make sure you don’t become bitter”. This resonated because while you may have been the one hurt or let down, being bitter reflects upon you. People are more likely to judge you, not the person who broke your trust. 

I wondered how people restore their ability to trust and express their vulnerability? Trust is a two-way street, so is it something one can do on their own?  Does a person need to develop their own psychological safety first? If the goal is to restore the ability to trust again, what role can coaching play? Does coaching require vulnerability and trust first, or does trust and vulnerability develop through coaching? 

We need to trust to be vulnerable, and we need to be vulnerable in order to build trust (p. 30).

Still wondering...